It’s high time I gave the world an update on Tom and his thoughts. In case you were wondering, Tom is doing just fine – neither incapacitated nor mute. His brain is a bit more married, but brimming with Tom-ish witticisms all the same.
Tom has embraced marriage whole hog. I suppose we both have. He refers to me as “the ol’ ball and chain” while I relish calling him my “Hubby Bubby Wubby Booboo”. After the wedding and back in New York, the first thing we did was cancel our gym memberships.
Tom has since recommenced his steady diet of a Vegemite sandwich and a tall glass of homemade iced tea every twenty minutes (with Lipton, a pinch of sugar, and 5/8ths of a lemon, mind you) and has invested in two more games for the Nintendo Switch – Skyrim and Mario Odyssey – in both of which an avatar does all the running and jumping.
The other day, I bought a marriage-sized bag of Doritos.
We are a happy pair.
Marriage also means new levels of respect for Tom’s privacy. Over the past eight months I’ve honored Tom’s privacy out of sheer laziness. But not longer. Because really, marriage is about making yourself – and your readers! – happy. In any case, my blogging habit is like a sleeping giant: once woken, it stumbles around in search of tasty thoughts (and readers’ eyes! Mmm.) until it falls asleep again, for months at a time.
But in all seriousness, Tom and I have begun family planning. I have cut my drinking down to one box a week and Tom’s Vegemite sandwiches are full of folic acid. We want children, plural, but we also say things like: “Let’s start with one.”
Betty: “You be the breadwinner!”
Tom: “No, you be the breadwinner!”
All in all, what sounds like a giant conflict of interest is precisely that. So to pass the time, I invade his privacy and he plays the Nintendo Switch. The bottom line? We love each other very much and are generally supportive of one another’s futures in which work is scarce but money is plentiful.
What to do, what to do.
Anyway, I don’t have a ton of thoughts to share with you, just the greatest hits of from the past...eight months?! Has it really been so long?
My word. That simply won’t do. Greater diligence in the coming months must be expected from wife of Tom!
Without further ado, here are some of Tom’s most salient thoughts from 2018:
On how I leave books pages down when I’m in the middle of them: “C’mon don’t leave the book like that. Treat your books like you treat people. You can’t be making them do the splits all the time.”
On my attempt to be a better financial partner and reading Smart Women Finish Rich: “Oh, is it a cookbook?”
On my singing: “You couldn’t carry a tune even if it had handles.”
On ‘plutocrat’ vs. ‘autocrat’: “I’m not sure, but I guess the big question now is, “What’s a ‘crat’?”
On our wedding reception in Taipei: “Oh yeah, it was good fun, but I wouldn’t want to do it again.”
On baby-making and his potency: “I’d think that just by looking at it, you’d have twins already.”
Apologies if that was TMI, but cheers to Thom, thoughts, and Thursday!