In addition to reading more, I should obviously write more in 2018. Serious thought-provoking stuff about life, of course! But also to be more diligent about Thom’s Thursday Thoughts. As it happens, a large part of this blog’s popularity depends on it.
Tom hates it – or so he says – but at the end of the day I like writing about him and I think Tom secretly finds it pleasing. Everyone likes to be appreciated. Besides, he hasn’t stopped talking to me yet.
The resolve for me is to not trust my memory, to write things down. And to do it all discreetly rather than ask Tom to repeat himself, as I’ve stupidly done in the past.
“You know the funny thing you said about such and such? Can you say it again? Do you remember what it was?”
“Oh so you can invade my privacy?”
“I’m not your blog monkey.”
Anyway. Here are a smattering of thoughts from Tom, collected over the holidays.
On Christmas shopping in Sephora:
“You need blinders.”
“Jesus Betty you’re like a gorilla in a banana shop.”
“$98 dollars? Good Lord! Why don’t you just set your wallet on fire and call it a day.”
On handmade Christmas gifts from our future children:
Around Christmas I thought to ask Tom if he’d keep handmade gifts from our children.
“Depends on if it was a pile of trash.”
“My dad kept mine,” I said. “I made bookmarks for him in elementary school. He kept all of them.”
“Well,” said Tom, “He could probably tell that you’d never be able to afford a real gift.”
On my New Year’s resolutions:
On Monday, I posted my New Year’s Resolve, which was to read more books.
“I’m resolving to read fifty-two books in 2018,” I said.
“Why not just resolve to read a book,” he said, looking up smugly from his book. He was reading The Long Ships by Frans Gunnar Bengtsson, an old time-y book about Vikings.
“You know me, I like going from zero to fifty-two,” I said.
“Beefus, we both know you like to go from taking a nap to taking a longer nap.”
I nodded. He wasn’t wrong. But in any case. I asked him what his book was about.
“It’s about the Vikings and their marauding.”
“Is it good?”
“Oh yes. They maraud and they feast. They really only have two emotions. Angry, and merry.”
On Jeremy Renner:
“That guy was born to be an extra. Or a bathroom attendant. He took over as Bourne and the whole time I just hoped the bad guys would kill him. He’s never been in anything good.”
“No, no,” I said, “He’s definitely been in something good.”
You’re probably thinking of someone else. Like Matt Damon.”