Do I look familiar? It’s because I use the same photo on LinkedIn.
In light of my two recent blog posts on my first date ever (part 3 coming next week), I revisited my old OkCupid profile, screenshot above. I thought I would cringe at my self summary, but the only thing I found cringe-worthy was my profile name: TimexMe? So lame. But lame name aside, I’d probably still describe myself this way.” If Tom is cringing, it’s a good thing we didn’t meet online. The above was Steve’s and hundreds of other guys’ first glimpse of me before they either chose to message me or passed. Now with Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, et al., the scene has changed quite a bit, But I wonder where I’d be without OkCupid, the one I found most comfortable to start with.
So, this Sunday’s Seven:
1. For an in depth look at the now big three online dating sites, read Nick Paumgarten’s “Looking for Someone,” in which he profiles the origins of OkCupid, Match, and EHarmony, for The New Yorker.
2. So you’re already online: but are the people on Okcupid too flakey for you? Tinder kinda gross? EHarmony too serious and you don’t want to pay for Match? Try Hinge. Kinda like Tinder except it uses your Facebook network to introduce you to people two degrees removed, so you’re essentially “meeting” through friends, if indeed your Facebook friends are actually friends.
A few of my friends are on it and have been saying great things (e.g. “The quality of guys are so much better.” Meaning, if you’re college educated and have a good job, Hinge is likely to show you more people like you rather than AJ the guy with tattoo sleeves who works at the local bar and paints in the mornings.) I’ve been going around telling my other single friends about it so that Tom’s been calling me a Hinge sales(wo)man. I also applied for a job there but have yet to hear back. It’s okay, I’ll promote them anyway.
3-4. Online thing is not for everyone even though I still pressure my single friends who live in the suburbs to give it a try, but then I read accounts like this one about why dating without social media (dating apps included) is so much easier and consider Esther Perel’s thoughts on why “Fragile Millenials” seek rejection-free sex and get really anxious about where modern romance is headed and realize that I should probably just let my single friends be.
5. Okay so now you have a date (on a Sunday!) It was only until I went on a few dull dinner dates that I realized I could have suggested some other fun things to do when the ball was in my court. You might not have chemistry with the guy/girl but at least you’ll have done something interesting. Check out some great first date ideas here and here, all specific to New York but that can apply to any city.
7. And sometimes you think the date went well, but you never hear from the person again. That’s called ghosting. You’ve done it. I’ve done it, and according to Aziz Anzari and my own feelings, it’s not cool. Any date, good or bad, involves two people going out on a limb (some longer than others). It helps humanity overall when we’re mindful of this and tread not just carefully but kindly.
So to all the guys I’ve ever ghosted on, I’m sorry. It was you. And it was me too. Happy Easter!